What manner of animal
might hatch from this glittering, somewhat elongated, golden egg?
In the search for an
answer one naturally consults with those younger members of the
family and their friends, who are willing to humour such a question
with a serious and thoughtful response.
Suggestions range from the
prosaic (a golden goose) to the fanciful (a unicorn - a patently
ridiculous suggestion; anyone with a basic knowledge of Linnaean
taxonomy knows that unicorns are mammals from the Equidae
family and give birth to live young). The most promising and
plausible hypothesis is also the most disturbing: “A Crocodile and
when it hatches it says “Kill me,”” (apparently in the voice of
a dying sheep).
The disconcerting prospect
of some reptilian organism, hitherto unknown to science, hatching in
the bath, baring a mouthful of needle-sharp teeth and, in the voice
of the aforementioned dying sheep, demanding that an entire block of cheddar cheese be grated onto the surface of the water to satiate its
enormous appetite, turns out to be unfounded:
The bath bomb placidly
dissolves in a fuzzy white cloud of its own gentle effervescence.
This rather tame dissolution is accompanied by a steamy understated
scent informed by notes of the olive oil, sweet wild orange and gardenia
extract that I am, at this precise moment, reading about in the accompanying list of ingredients.
Unfortunately the pleasant
olfactory appeal of the bath bomb is undermined by the visual
transformation taking place beneath the gentle pummeling of the hot
tap. The egg slowly uncoils leaving in its wake a translucent yellow trail, that is disturbingly reminiscent of a
toddler weeing in a swimming pool. A minute or so later and one is
confronted by what, at a glance, resembles a bath tub brimming with
unusually fragrant piss, with the melting kernel of the bath bomb
floating at the far end – a brilliant saffron-coloured emulsion,
like an egg yolk, fringed with white foam.
Thankfully by the time the
egg has completely dissolved the water has changed hue from bright
yellow to a vibrant lime green that is enhanced by a pleasant
twinkling effect caused by the suspended particles of glitter.
One emerges from this garish perfumed soup
in the manner of a camp male stripper, smelling somewhat more
pleasant than usual and liberally speckled with gold body glitter.
Laying aside my initial
reservations about the colour of the water, this is the most
interesting of the Lush bath bombs that I have tried so far.
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